Safety Planning

Plan ahead to keep yourself, your children and your pets safe

If you are being abused by your partner, know there is nothing you have done or are doing to cause the abuse. It is solely the choice of the abuser to abuse. It may seem impossible to escape your abuser, change your circumstances, or find the help you need, but it is possible. However, you know your abuser best, so think carefully through your situation and circumstances and do what is the best for you.

While the information that follows may be helpful to you, please know it is not meant to be used as the only information you need to get and stay safe, nor is it inclusive of all the information you may need. It is critical that you connect with someone knowledgeable about domestic violence that can help you create a safety plan specifically for you, your family, and your specific needs.

PLAN AHEAD: If you are in the relationship

Plan ahead where you can go if the abuser shows signs of escalating. Make a list of safe people to contact (DV program, friends, relatives, attorney, and important persons/services). Have numbers for local domestic violence programs. Pack and have ready a bag or suitcase of essentials, including medications. Obtain and secure personal documents and information for you, and if you have children, for them as well: birth certificates, driver’s license, social security cards, immunization records, passports, licenses, bank accounts, debit and credit cards, checkbooks, W-2s, paystubs, insurance cards and policies, school records, clothing, and keys. Any documentation that you might have about the abuse, pictures, recordings, medical records, and police reports are also very important to have. Include cash if you can and any other valuable that you don’t want to leave behind. Keep in mind that large items like furniture might not be possible to hide. Find a safe place to hide these—with a friend, relative, and/or another place the abuser cannot access.

PLAN AHEAD: If you are in the home during an incident

Avoid rooms with no exits, like bathrooms and closets. Also, avoid rooms with weapons, like the kitchen.Get to a room with a door or a window to escape.If it is possible, lock the abuser outside. Call 911. Get medical attention if you are hurt. If you have contact with the police, get the name and badge number of the officer(s). Contact Southern Valley Alliance’s Crisis Line at 952-873-4214.

PLAN AHEAD: If you have children

Create a safety plan appropriate for their age. If children are old enough, have them get out of the house and alert a neighbor (that you have already contacted, is safe, knows about your situation, and is willing to help), and call 911. Practice the safety plan with your children. Instruct them not to get physically involved in the incident and instead “go” to their safe place (already established). If going to a safe place or neighbor’s house is not possible, teach them to call 911. Have older children take younger children to a safer room in the house, already established.

PLAN AHEAD: If you have pets

If you plan to stay with the abuser:

» Keep emergency provisions for your pet in case your abuser withholds money. Keep the phone number of the nearest 24-hour emergency veterinary clinic.

» Establish ownership of your pet by creating a paper trail (i.e., obtain a license, have veterinarian records put in your name).

If you plan to leave the abuser:

» Obtain safe emergency shelter for pet, somewhere that won’t be disclosed to your abuser (e.g. veterinarian, friend, family, or a safe haven for pets program). SVA has partnered with Carver Scott Humane Society to offer temporary fostering of pets for SVA clients who live in Scott or Carver counties in Minnesota through CSHS’s SafeFur Spaces, part of their Fur Keeps Program. Contact SVA for more information and a referral.

» Pack a bag for you pet that includes: food, medicine, documents of ownership (receipts from adoption or purchase), health documents (veterinary and vaccination records), a leash, an ID and rabies tag if you have a cat or dog, pet carrier, toys, and bedding.

» If you must leave without your pet, remember to leave enough food, fresh bedding, litter, etc. for them.

If you have left the abuser:

» Keep pets indoors (if possible). Do not let the pet outside alone.Pick a safe route and time to walk your pet. Do not exercise/walk your pet alone. Change your veterinarian.

PLAN AHEAD: If you are not in the relationship

When leaving an abusive relationship, it is important to take with you the documents that you will need to get the resources and help you will require. You will need your driver’s license, passport, and birth certificate to verify your identity. Other important documents you will need include: social security cards (for yourself and any children), leases and deeds (that have your name attached), credit and debit cards, pay stubs, W-2s, insurance policies, bank statements, and check books. Also, take any documentation that you might have about the abuse including pictures, recordings, medical records, and police reports. Never take the risk of being alone with the abuser when retrieving your things; ask for a police escort or bring friends with you.

» Change your phone number and other contact information. Consider getting a restraining/protective order. Speak to an advocate and find out if that is a good option for you – every situation is different.

» Screen your calls.

» Save and document all contact, messages, injuries, or other incidents involving the abuser.

» Change your locks.

» Avoid being alone.

» Plan how to get away if confronted by the abuser.

» If you have to meet the abuser do it in a public place. Vary your routine.

» If you have a restraining or protective order, always have a copy with you. Leave a copy at work. If you have children, leave a copy at your children’s school and every place your children might spend time (childcare center, grandparents, friends, etc.).

» Find out if there is a domestic violence response policy at your work place and ask questions if you don’t understand how it works.

» Consider joining a support group at a local domestic violence program. For information on SVA’s support groups call 952-873-4214 or email crisis@svamn.org.

Create your personalized safety plan

Printable Personalized Safety Plan

Although you can’t control an abuser’s use of violence, you can plan how you will respond to future abusive or violent incidents, prepare for the possibility of an incident happening, and plan how get to safety. It is your decision if and when you tell others that you have been abused, or that you are still at risk. Friends, family, and coworkers can help with your safety plan if they are aware the situation and want to help.

Ask yourself the following questions:

» When I have to talk to the abuser in person, I can…

» When I talk on the phone with the abuser, I can…

» I will make up a “code word” for my family, coworkers, friends, and counselor so they know when to call for help for me. My code word is…

» When I feel a fight coming on, I will try to move to a place that is lowest risk for getting hurt. At work, this will be…

» At home, this will be…

» In public, this will be…

» I can tell my family, coworkers, boss, counselor, or a friend about my situation. I feel safe telling…

» I can screen my calls, texts, emails, and visitors. I have the right to not receive harassing phone calls, texts, or emails. I can ask friends, family members, or coworkers to help me screen my contacts. I can ask these people for help… I can call any of the following people for assistance or support if necessary and ask them to call the police if they see the abuser harassing me.

» Friend

» Relative

» Coworker

» Counselor

» Shelter

» Other

» When leaving work, I can…

» When walking, riding, or driving home, if problems occur, I can…

» I can attend a victim’s/survivor’s support group with SVA

» Contact information I need to have:

» Police department

» Southern Valley Alliance - 952-873-4214

» Sexual Assault Program

» Attorney