How many children witness abuse?

Studies show that 3-4 million children between the ages of 3-17 are at risk of exposure to domestic violence each year. U.S. government statistics say that 95% of those domestic violence cases involve women victims of male partners. While this may be the majority of cases, interpersonal violence can be perpetuated by women and in same-sex partnerships as well. Children often are witness to this violence.

Witnessing can mean SEEING actual incidents of physical/and or sexual abuse. It can mean HEARING threats or fighting noises from another room. Children may also OBSERVE the aftermath of physical abuse such as blood, bruises, tears, torn clothing, and broken items. Finally children may be AWARE of the tension in the home such as fearfulness when the abuser’s car pulls into the driveway.

What are the feelings of children who are exposed to partner violence?

Children who are exposed to domestic violence can become fearful and anxious. They may be on guard, watching and waiting for the next event to occur. They never know what will trigger the abuse, and therefore, they never feel safe. They are always worried for themselves, their parent, and their siblings. They may feel worthless and powerless.

Children who grow up with abuse are expected to keep the family secret, sometimes not even talking to each other about the abuse. Children from abusive homes can look fine to the outside world, but inside they are in terrible pain. Their families are chaotic and crazy. They may blame themselves for the abuse thinking if they had not done or said a particular thing, the abuse would not have occurred. They may also become angry at their siblings or their parent for triggering the abuse. They may feel rage, embarrassment, and humiliation.

Children of abuse feel isolated and vulnerable. They are starved for attention, affection and approval. Because their parent is struggling to survive, they are often not present for their children. When the abuser is consumed with controlling everyone, they also are not present for their children. These children become physically, emotionally and psychologically abandoned.

What behaviors do children who witness domestic violence exhibit?

The emotional responses of children who witness domestic violence may include fear, guilt, shame, sleep disturbances, sadness, depression, and anger (at both the abuser for the violence and at the victim for being unable to prevent the violence).

Physical responses may include stomachaches and/or headaches, bedwetting, and loss of ability to concentrate. Some children may also experience physical or sexual abuse or neglect. Others may be injured while trying to intervene on behalf of their parent or a sibling.

The behavioral responses of children who witness domestic violence may include acting out, withdrawal, or anxiousness to please. The children may exhibit signs of anxiety and have a short attention span which may result in poor school performance and attendance. They may experience developmental delays in speech, motor or cognitive skills. They may also use violence to express themselves displaying increased aggression with peers or family members. They can become self-injuring.

What are the long-term effects on children who witness domestic violence?

Whether or not children are physically abused, they often suffer emotional and psychological trauma from living in homes where domestic violence occurs. Children who grow up observing a parent being abused, especially by their other parent, grow up with a role model of intimate relationships in which one person uses intimidation and violence over the other person to get their way. Because children have a natural tendency to identify with strength, they may ally themselves with the abuser and lose respect for the other parent. Abusers typically play into this by putting the victim down in front of their children and telling them that their parent is “crazy” or “stupid” and that they do not have to listen to them. Seeing their parent treated with enormous disrespect, teaches children that they can disrespect people in the same way.

Most experts believe that children who are raised in abusive homes learn that violence is an effective way to resolve conflicts and problems. They may replicate the violence they witnessed as children in their teen and adult relationships and parenting experiences. Children who witness abuse are more likely to abuse their partners as adults.

Children from violent homes have higher risks of alcohol/drug abuse, post traumatic stress disorder, and juvenile delinquency. Witnessing domestic violence is the single best predictor of juvenile delinquency and adult criminality. It is also the number one reason children run away.